THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL LOVE.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:54:30 GMT

So I am doing this now!
I'm not quite sure when the last time we caught up was but I'll just tell you things I think you should know and want to hear. Lets start with the dumbest subject of all... Boys. And I say boys for a reason. Honestly I could not call any male here a man because they all suck. This past weekend on friday night, I let this boy named Donald sleep in my bed with me. I have been flirting with him for a while, and we got together on friday. We did everything but sex. I thought in the back of my stupid head that maybe since we had been flirting for a while that this could potentially turn into something. But the thing about this school and the majority of the boys here is that I feel that they will say anything to get what they want. As bitter as I sound about it, I really am not that upset anymore because I looked at the big picture and honestly I can do way better. He is a red headed boy and he gets too fucked up all of the time. As we know I can get a little crazy too, but he takes it way further than I ever could allow myself. but I wanted to look past that and I did. I saw the kind, intresting person that he is and ignored everything else. But I just don't think anything is going to happen, and I don't want another Greg Smith.
But that discussion brings me to another point, why is it a big deal that I am a virgin? Sorry I want to wait to find someone that it very special to me and not give it away to someone that I don't even know their last name! And it's no ones fucking business what I do with a boy and what I don't do. I'll let you know if I feel close enough to you, but it is not a big deal. It does not mean I am a prude. It does not mean I am niave. It just means I have respect for myself. because Donald slept over and people saw us kissing a little out on friday they all assumed that we had sex, but fuck them. It doesn't matter anyways, it's not like me having sex with someone else is going to change the world for anyone but me and that person. Fucking Stupid Pricks.

On a lighter note... haha, School is going well for the most part. I just need a break! I'm glad to hear you are enjoying school and making decisions about your future. I have my winter ball this saturday for Delta Zeta. I am excited just beacuse I get to look nice. It feels nice to look nice sometimes ya know? Also I am now the new Panhell Chair for DZ which means I am in charge of the community service! I am sooooooo excited. This is the main reason I joined and now I am in charge of it! I am really going to focus on trying to get the girls excited for doing the hours they have to and not just doing them because they have to. I want them to want to make a difference. I realise this is a diffcult task, but I feel like I can do it.
I am glad to hear that you and Moses have become great friends. I was kinda upset that you say you think ya'll have more of a connection than we do, but I understand. We just go back and I feel like no matter what I do or when I do it, you will always understand. I am not really upset because I feel like this could mean something else too. I mean if we understoof eachother as much as you feel like you and moses connect we would be lovers. haha, but just keep me updated. and for the project that ya'll have put together, is there anything going on thanksgiving break that I could help out with? I would love to see the progress that has been made, and help make more.

My family is doing well for the most part. My mom is working her life away at her new job and I just want her to be happy. I recently became aware of the fact that she could not be as healthy as I think of her as and I am concerned about her stress level. I just want her to be safe and healthy and live forever. Is that too much to ask? haha. but really.
Gary got the results of his last scan today and everything is still great! Everytime I hear that it just makes my day. If I am in a bad mood it changes instantly. Sam and him are just really focused on school now and are still up to their old ways of being a married couple even though they are not married. haha. I was thinking about it the other day and I can't wait for them to have kids! I can have babies without actually having a baby you know! Ah the joys of being an aunt... in due time!
Stevie works at bakers crust now. I think the one in Cheseapeake. She has a boyfriend, and he sleeps over at our house! I called my mom this past saturday and asked what she was doing and she said making berakfast for Stevie and Tommy like it was just a normal thing to do. It's like Sam and Gary all over again. But I think this one might be a keeper because he isn't as gangster as her last ones and he had to work to get her attention because the last time I heard about him from Stevie she said that she didn't like him. Again... Sam and Gary. But I have not met the kid and I am pretty excited to!

I enjoyed your articles. I didn't know that long division was that new! I remeber going to see them over the summer with Marleigh and I liked them. Also the article about going green reminds me of the conversation we had about all that kinda stuff when we went on the long walk throughout your neighborhood before I left for school. Keep writing... seriously.
I will be seeing you soon my friend!
write me back!

P.S sorry for the spelling mistakes. I am about to leave work and dont have time to fix them!

I'm always doing.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:20:04 GMT

So I am sorry that I suck completely at following through. I am just always preoccupied with school stuff. I am begining to hate it. I think I am losing motvation for my classes that are not music. I just want them to be over with.
I am only going to write this short response for now, because I have class in 10 minutes. Hopefully I'll be able to get on later today, but after class I have voice lessons then and interview for a DZ position and then I have to work till 11. So if not today then hopefully tomorrow.
I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I know that you have been through a lot with her over the past couple of years, but I kow that you do love her and her being in this position is still hard.
as for your dad, how serious is this condition? I mean I know being hooked up to a machine is pretty sucking serious, but what is going to happen? Is he going to get better? Let me know.
I hope to god that your brother is just going through a faze. I remember him being so young and so sweet, what happened? Maybe there needs to be something to wake him up out of this crazy path he is on. Maybe he needs to be shown that acting out is not going to fix his situation. I don't know, I just want him to be okay in life, ya know?
Just keep me updated on your family. I really do care about whats going on, I mean they were all in my life for such a long period of time.
The last note for this is that everytime I read your writing, I just... I don't know how to describe it. I guess it's just like I can feel everything you are feeling, and I know what you mean. I love reading things you have written. It just makes me miss you a lot, but also makes me happy that you are writing. Keep it up, keep writing.
I'll try to fill you in more later. I hope all is well! I love you!

updated finally!

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 05:03:24 GMT

I must say that was a lot. You are such a writer it is redicilous. I kinda felt, as I was reading, that I was feeling what you were feeling.
I'm sorry to hear about how everything has turned out with your mom. I never thought that it would go this far. I wish I could do something to help her and you and your family because none of you diserve (sp) this. But I guess you have to take what life throws at you. It's hard but I know you know that the person that you are experiencing these days is not really who your mom is. She is drugs now. She is stuck in a whole so deep her true self is no longer alive. Im so sorry. If you ever just wanna get away from Va beach and from all of that I understand, come here. I really would love to have you hear, and I think it could really get your mind off things if need be.
So the Christian thing is pretty crazy.It sounds like he is attracted to you. Maybe he is just scared because he was in a relationship for such a long time and he just doesnt know if it has been enough time to like someone again, or maybe he is just being a dumb guy and wants to hook up and doesnt want to get attached. But the problem with that is I know that if yall started "spending time alone" then he would end up really liking you. Guys are just annoying like that.
Remeber that Chris kid that I liked that works at Starbucks with me? Well he was telling me about how much he misses his girlfriend and how he just loves her so much. Keep in mind that I dont like him like that anymore. He is like my brother. But it was just so nice to hear how he was talking about her. Get this shit... for Christmas... he named a star after her. When he told me that I almost cried. Thats just so sweet. If I had someone like that in my life, it would just be wonderful. I want that so badly.
On the note of boys... I have something to tell you. I hooked up with someone here. Not sex or anything but just making out. I was sick of never having my first kiss and I wanted to be experienced by the time someone came along that I actually cared about. His name is Blaise. yeah it really is Blaise. He is a football player and of course all the football players know and think its just so funny. But I really dont care. I mean its good to laugh at yourself. I am not ashamed either because he said I was a really good kisser. I had a hicky on my next fro like a week after. It was like the whole left side of my neck. I got a lot of shit for that but its all in good humor.I mean trust me... I'm not the first nor last person that will do this. and Most of the kids that give me shit are WAYYYY worse than I am. But I'm not akward about it either. I mean I have yet to see him. but if we cross paths one day Ill smile or say hey. Its whatever. *** new update on this... I added him on facebook after the hook up and I was just being boredand snooping and he is not my friend on facebook anymore. I dont know why, but it kinda freaks me out. Like something had to happen for him to be like I dont wanna be her friend anymore. This one kid still to this day everytime he sees me is like hey BLAISEEE and all I do it chuckle and tell him that he is not funny.But I dont want anything being said about me that is not true. Maybe Im just being parinoid, but its weird. I dont know I just want to forget about it and move on to someone I actually care about and they care about me. Hopefully one day, love will come, (hahaaha) these days I think about it sometimes, but I try not to talk about it a lot and not care about it a lot just because everyone says that it happens when you are least expecting it. whatever though. Ive kinda decided that if I am still without relationship by the age of 30 its time to go. Go to somewhere, heaven, europe, china... who knows.
I would comment on how you are happy and what not but after recieving the text from you I think you mood has changed a lot. Just think about the future. Just think of how you are the one in control of your life, and you now make your own choices. Soon you will be doing what you want to do, outta school, on your own. Not like lonely but independent. That is what I think about all the time. I really just cant wait to be doing what I want to do.... whatever that may be. I really have no idea though. I know that I wanna minor in music and education but Major wise I have no idea. I know that I wanna ecentually get my masters and become a professor somewhere prestiege.
I really am pissed I broke my foot. Its really annoying. I mean I can walk on it, but its annoying and really slow. Next semester is gonna suck walking around. But ill make it through.
I really wanna get some tattoos. one behind my ear- a feather. Bryce and I would get that together. And then I want to get a dog print on my wrist but my mom is very weary about it. part because of Smitty and Stanely and part because I just love animals so much. I really wanna get mroe but I have not though about them.
Im still really sad about Smitty. I think about it a lot and I just break down. It just hits me at the worst moments, when im by myself. Ill be watching TV and ill see a dog food commercial or something along those lines and think wow those dogs are so cute.. and normally id say something like but not as cute as my moo man and then give him some loving, but he is not there anymore and it just breaks my heart everytime. Im tearing up just typing this.
Well thats all I can think of for now. Ill be seeing you like tomorrow FOR YOUR BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYY! woopwoop.
update it later homie!

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 17:24:55 GMT

I agree.
And they are cute.can we still do they wednesday thing.
I think we should both not go to work on wednesdays for it.
hahaha.
i still dont know where im going to work.
i want freshmarket to hire me, i just really like it there.
we will see.

Bye Amandababe.

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 20:09:16 GMT

i really did.

Everytime we see eachother it feel like normal again.
im really excited.
this bad day has turn to be good so far. =]

Sara's post.

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 21:29:29 GMT

I kinda know what you are talking about.
I mean i had TONS of fun the last time i spent the night at your house.

I think maybe its just b/c all the other recent times we have had things on our minds that coud effect us having fun.

So i think that last time made up for it a lot though. i think we are back on track.
hahaha

SCHOOL SUCKS ASS.

Do you wanna meet up tmorrow morning so we can talk before class?
I think that would make my day better.
=]

♥